At this season of thankfulness, I am counting some blessings, both quiet and profound. Cotton and I have carried on the tradition of walking early in the morning we started late last Spring with Romeo when I was recovering from the chemical pneumonia prompted by exposure to diesel exhaust. It was such a beautiful part of my recovery, and now it’s become a healing time of continuity for Cotton and me, finding our way to play just the two of us, in what is now brisk cold mornings turning to winter. I felt so blessed a few weeks back when my bird chasing Silken stood quietly with me and we watched this flock of sanderlings feeding at the edge of the water while all of us were embraced by coastal fog. I had never hoped to be that close to them, given how Cotton usually likes to chase them, so it was a quiet and magical interlude we shared, both being content to just stand there. Those little birds moving in sync with each other up and down the waterline thrill my heart with wonder.
Speaking of hearts, near the beginning of November I stumbled onto a commentary about themes in energy for the month, but the real gem of it came at the end with a simple excerpt from a meditation inviting the listener to simply, for five minutes a day, meditate while literally holding the hands over the heart. The notion that literally holding my heart would help it feel “held” in the love that always abides despite the chaos around us really struck me as sound and resonant, and it has become part of the repertoire in my meditation practice.
I’m also grateful that a completely unexpected but necessary encounter with medical intervention has been successful. During a routine eye exam, I was (pardon the pun) a bit blindsided to learn that I was at risk for something called narrow angle closure glaucoma. This is not garden variety glaucoma–that I do not have, along with being free of cataracts, and signs of macular degeneration, things in my family I might also be predisposed to. I had never even heard of narrow angle closure glaucoma. Apparently it has mostly to do with the anatomy of the eye, the size of the eye, gender, age, and a predisposition to far-sightedness. If the angle of the duct the keeps the eye fluid closes, one becomes horribly ill (nauseous with searing head pain) and the optic nerve gets damaged. Irreversible blindness results within 48 hours if the emergency is not attended to.
Back in the day, people used to have to have eye surgery in the hospital to correct this, but now there’s an outpatient laser procedure that bypasses the duct by making a hole in the iris next to the duct. My ophthamologist described it as feeling like a little snap or a pop. but when the laser did it’s work to me it was more liked getting socked in the eye. And then again. I also had to use the required predisolone drops in my eyes for a week after the procedure, another life first.
Undergoing the procedure, doing what was required afterward, and recovering from it all was more painful and traumatic for this “princess and the pea” who feels everything than I would have chosen, but I am happy to report it was successful, though I will have to have my eye pressure monitored every six months for two years.
This Thanksgiving I will be in Portland at my son and daughter-in-law’s and I am grateful for that, and for not being in charge of the dinner this year, or even hosting it at my house. But I still feel festive, and since my son is coming to get me, I thought it might be nice to surprise him with some treats for the drive back. Thus, though I usually wait for Christmas to bake my biscotti, I thought I’d try whipping up a pumpkin spice version for Thanksgiving. It’s a riff on my gluten free Christmas Cranberry and Pistachio Biscotti recipe
You can read my long history with the healing powers of biscotti by clicking on the link to the original recipe, but here it is with the modifications I made. It’s a treat, so there is some sugar, and a little fat, but hey, ’tis the season.
Pumpkin Spice (Chocolate Chip) Biscotti
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper or a Silpat liner.
Ingredients:
Dry
1/2 cup sorghum flour
1/2 cup brown rice flour
1/2 cup quinoa flour
1/4 cup coconut flour or an additional 1/4 cup of any of the other flours
1/4 cup tapioca or potato starch
1/2 cup of brown sugar
1 tablespoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon sea salt (optional)
1 teaspoon psyllium seed powder (scant–optional)
1 tablespoon of pumpkin pie spice
1/4 cup chocolate chips or pieces
scant ¼ cup dried cranberries
scant ¼ mixture chopped pistachios
tangerine or orange zest and ginger (the tangerine is really good)
Wet
1 tsp vanilla
1 tsp Grand Marnier
6 oz. vanilla almond yogurt (can also use soy yogurt or coconut yogurt)
4 tablespoons canned pumpkin or cooked winter squash
1 tablespoon flax egg (so one teaspoon gold flax meal and 2-3 tsp of water)
About 4 tablespoons of non-dairy milk (add a little at a time to make dough come together
Instructions:
In a large mixing bowl, whisk together the dry ingredients.
Add in the almond yogurt, pumpkin, and vanilla extract. Beat until combined and the dough is moist and smooth. It should feel quite sturdy.
Scoop and dump the dough onto the lined baking sheet. I made it into two of these, as with the old family recipe. Using your hands, shape and smooth the dough into a long narrow loaf. Using the curve of your hands, press it down to flatten it into a gently curved shape that tapers down on both sides of the loaf. The loaf should be no more than two inches high in the center. As you press and shape it, squeeze it a bit to keep the dough from cracking.
And here is a genius of a tip from Karina’s recipes that you don’t need when making traditional biscotti with wheat flour, because they will slice up fine without that when it’s time to toast them on their sides. But it really makes all the difference in your biscotti holding together and not crumbling if you are making them gluten free. Using a large sharp knife, carefully but firmly slice across the dough horizontally to make about 20 cookies. I do it on the diagonal because I like the shape of the cookies that way and it seems to work best.
Bake the sliced loaf in the center of a preheated oven for 15 minutes.
Remove the pan from the pan from the oven. Carefully separate the slices, and lay each slice on its side, leaving a bit of room between each one. Return the pan to the oven and bake the slices for 8 more minutes.
Remove the pan from the oven again and turn the slices over. They should appear slightly golden at this point. Bake for another 8 minutes until slightly golden.
Cool the biscotti on a wire rack. They will crisp as they cool.
Notes: I was trying to use up leftover canned pumpkin and cooked squash so I didn’t have a lot–no more than half a cup. Combined with the yogurt it gave a pumpkin cheesecake kind of feel. But you could try without the yogurt and all pumpkin or less yogurt and more pumpkin.
All gluten free baked goods are intensified in flavor if stored in the freezer. These can be “dunked,” too, if you are that person.
And ps: if you don’t want to mess with all these different flours, a total of them in a gluten free baking mix, like the one that Bob’s makes, for instance should work well. If you don’t need to be gluten-free, use the total amount of flour and starch in a wheat flour of your choice. You might not need as much baking powder and no xanthum gum or psyllium powder either.
If you’re looking for a vegan gluten free (mostly) fat free pumpkin pie recipe check out mine in Pumpkin Pie in the Free World.
During one of these “holding my heart” meditations, I felt Romeo showing me how love is a sequence embodied through different beings in our lives across time. It felt like it was being offered as a teaching, an antidote to being broken hearted over his loss or the loss of one pet who seems singular or anyone who is singular to us). For a brief instant I was able to grasp how each of us can be utterly unique, and yet as we embody the love we share and participate in we are part of a sequence that is all one in that love–why is why there is always room for more of it.
So, if you have five minutes to give it, hold onto your hearts this Thanksgiving. They have carried each of us so far, through loss, triumph, difficulty, awe, laughter, grief and illumination, as we learn to move through fear and expand capacity for love. And for that, I am ever grateful.
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
Beautiful and profound… and YUM!
Thanks Colleen <3
I’m so glad your eyes are OK! That sounds quite… unpleasant. But it’s good it’s over and successful.
I really like the heart meditation – I’ll have to give it a go! I’m trying to be more regular in my meditation, and 5 minutes here and there isn’t a big deal, so I have no excuse to not fit this in. It’s a nice sentiment, your last couple paragraphs. <3
I hope you and your family had a lovely Thanksgiving! The biscotti looks like a delicious snack. 🙂
xoxo
I will certainly hold my heart through the whole holiday season, Maria—I know you wrote this at Thanksgiving, but I’ll happily and gratefully extend your invitation to Christmas, too! I love the idea of incorporating this gesture into meditation.
And, since food is always the thing that makes me feel most loved and most held and most supported, it couldn’t be more appropriate that you posted these delicious sounding biscotti. What a treat! I hope to try a version of them at home, and I’ll think lovingly of you when I do.
xoxo
Dear Gena, I’m so glad you took this meditation tip “to heart”–I, too, am continuing it through the whole holiday season! I am so honored that you might try a version of these biscotti–and that your loving thoughts will be with me when you do. Will love to hear what you come up with. xoxo